Road to becoming an improved person in all areas of my life; motherhood, health, religion, appearance, organization, financial.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Weight #5

206 lbs.

A 1 pound gain, was expecting much worse.  I guess subconsciously I'm making better chooses even when I'm going off track.  Doing great on drinking the water and eating the 5 servings of fruit and veggies. I'm just lacking on the exercise department and eating out.

On the challenge front I'm out :( I just totally forgot to submit my weight after weigh in. Major Brain fart. While strolling through Costco at 7:45 pm PST, I remembered. Almost left my cart to run home :) I called home and after several minutes of telling my kids what page to go and how to fill out the form the submit button was disabled. Ugh why does Central time have to be a 2 hour different from PST?

It was exactly 8:00 pm when my son kept telling me it's not working mom, and I'm all what do you mean it's not working you are doing something wrong. How could I have forgotten? Just have to chuck it up to things happen for a reason. Ugh!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I'm tired

I'm so tired.  I am so freaking tired.

I'm tired of being lazy and rather buy dinner than cook
I'm tired of being broke
I'm tired of feeling like a failure of a parent
I'm tired of fighting with my daughter
I'm tired of wanting others to do the fight for me
I'm tired of being a complainer
I'm tired of not knowing how to express my feelings
I'm tired.

I know the scale is going to reflect poorly because I've done poorly. I know that tomorrow is another day, and tomorrow can be a great new start but I've had a lot of those tomorrows.  I wake up feeling so motivated, have a great plan and then something happens (i.e bad day at work, argument with daughter, comment from husband, etc.) and I roll up into a ball and comfort myself with food, computer or TV.  I roll up and I attempt to hide from my problems.  What happened to the fighter is me?  Where did I loose her? How can I find her back?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Obstructed View

I was supposed to strip down to my undies, then write with a big black marker in each body part how great each part was. But my self esteem issues are preventing me from thinking of all the great things my body has gone through.

I've never had issues wearing a two piece bathing suit, even with all the teasing I've endured.  The thing is that I never see what they see, not because I love my body and all that it is. It's just that the mental picture I have of my body is not the real thing (denial I guess.)

Weigh In #4

The picture came out really blurry, but I'm down 3 pounds this week.

205 lbs.

The loss was a bit of a shock, been going through some emotional stuff.  Seems like I go through A LOT of emotional stuff, but thankfully this challenge has helped.  Normally when I get in these funks, I just give up. It's so much easier to give up than to take the hard road, but giving up has gotten me playing with 15 pounds for 10 years and being unhappy.  I want to be happy, and though my happiness does not depend on my weight I know that it will play a part in it.

I lagged on my challenges this week but I am made all the effort I could to stick to them best I could.  I kept a metal note on what I was eating, drank water, and the one thing I did do was eat the 5 serving of veggies/fruit per day. 

Thursday, October 07, 2010

I Love Me

"End your day by privately looking directly into your eyes in the mirror and saying, 'I love you!' Do this for thirty days and watch how you transform." -- Mark Victor Hansen

As part of the October monthly project, I'm adding this exercise. Imagine just the possibilities of me once I truly start loving myself. WOW!

Also, a few months ago I was doing an Acknowledging exercise, good time to do it again.  The exercise is from the book Change Your Life in 30 Days, I will write down 5 acknowledgments every day, until the end of the month, the reason being per the book is:

Please write down five acknowledgements every day for the next thirty days,starting now. Focus on what risks you took today. Again, think small. Be specific. You are learning to be aware of all the goods things you do on any given day. This allows you to grow confident in yourself. And reveals, slowly at first, who your true self actually is. The smaller and more specific, the better.


Woo hoo, I'm all for this weeks challenges

Non Physical Challenge
1. Drink half of weight in ounces of water
2. No Drive-Thru
3. 5 servings fruit & veggies
4. Journal food intake

Physical Challenge
1. Log in miles

This go right along with my plans for this week.  After this weeks gain, I instantly knew my eating habits have a lot to do with my weight. I think I'm eating healthy but not looking at labels, and eating too much of something and it's a gain.   For example, I'll eat Subway, but I get it with the works including cheese, mayo and oil.  Or I'll have a salad with ranch dressing, croutons and sesame seeds. Did you know sesame seeds have a lot of calories? 

This week I planned to start journaling my food with the weight watchers points system.  I have a few journals from when I was attending meetings, that I will put to work this week.  I also like that it has a place where I can track how much water I drink and the fruit/veggie servings I eat.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

I love Me Pledge

I'm taking the pledge.


The Pledge to Love Myself.

I pledge allegiance, TO MYSELF.
Today I will proclaim it
out loud,
From this day forward,
I promise to be nice.
TO myself and ABOUT myself.
I will accept my quirks and I will love my faults.
I will love my shape, whatever it is
My bones, my muscles, my hair and my face.
My body, all of it, inside and out.
Because that is what makes me, ME.
And there is only one of me.
I will finally allow myself
to see what others see.
My kindness, my spirit, my love.
And starting today, I will share some of it,
with ME.
Because I deserve it.
I will fight for myself, because I’m important.
And I deserve to be everything I am capable of in my life.
I deserve to find my greatness and live my life fully and completely.
With no regrets.
There is so much I want to do in my life,
but first, it begins with “me.”
Today, tomorrow, and every day after that.
And no one can stop me.

This is part of :
Monthly Project

Weigh In #3

208 lbs
Ugh, that's a 2 pound gain, and only a 2 pound loss on this challenge. UGH!

This week non physical challenge was a continuation of drinking water, staying away from drive troughs and the new one was to eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies.  I did horrible on the 5 servings, one would think its would be easy but I do better on the no eating out that getting in the 5 servings.  I tried every single day, but I'm not a fruit and veggie type of girl.  I know that will will be continues onto next week and I have made my menu plan to include all the 5 servings.

On other news,  I have started training for a 5k! The walking route I take is 3.06 miles which equal a 5k walk.  I've always been an avid walker, and I know I can walk a 5K but I want to run one. Since grade school I've had issues running, I just don't run.  Even as I have been doing the plan, I notice that my jogging pace is much slower than my fast walking pace.  Then I start self doubting myself and blaming my weight.  Maybe I'm just too heavy to be a runner. 

The good thing is that now I recognize my own self sabotages and know that I am just making excuses to quit. I'm going to continue the training, just with modifications. For the training I found some really cool podcast by Robert Ullrey to use for the training.  The first week is basically running 1 minutes and recovering 90 seconds between each run.  There are 8 running intervals, and on the last minute Robert is saying that I should not be out of breath and I should be able to have a conversation.  Well, I am not there.  I am so out out of breath and breathing so hard that I can't carry a conversation with myself. My solution is to probably do week 1 for 2 more weeks.

As for the physical challenge this week, it's to time how fast we did 1 mile.  Mine was 14 minutes, going to work hard on cutting that number in 1/2.