Road to becoming an improved person in all areas of my life; motherhood, health, religion, appearance, organization, financial.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Shrink Yo' Self

Can't wait, a new challenge will start on January 1st. That's Sunday. So if you want to join me don't forget to check-in with your starting weight (if you're a shrinker) this Sunday.

Friday, December 23, 2011

2012 Resolutions

Every year I wreck my brain for resolutions, I compile lists upon lists and truth be told I am yet to actually complete a resolution. I don’t actually remember when I started making resolutions but I think it started when I was a teenager, and every year by the first week of January I had already broken whatever resolutions I had set out to do. Then in my true “perfectionist” self as soon as I broke a resolution I just completely gave up on it, instead of just taking it one day at a time. Hopefully when I tackle this year’s resolutions I will keep in mind that I am not perfect and that if I slack off one day, tomorrow is a new beginning, and you know what not even the next day, the next hour holds new beginnings.

As hard as it was, I decided that this year I would only have 2 resolutions; one for my personal life and one for my fitness life – since well this is a blog dedicated to my weight loss.  My brain still wants to compile list but I want to learn from my mistakes and start of slowly with my new found knowledge.  My personal resolution is to throw a kick ass (inexpensive) party for my daughter 15th birthday and for my fitness resolution is to stick with weight watchers, and truly study and learn the program. 

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

: (

Ouch, that's a big gain.  Honestly I hadn't seen that until today, I was just concentrating that I was back in the 200's. After much debate about going to the meeting, I just figured it was best to go and deal with it.  I have these monthly gains and there is nothing I can do about it.  BUT I sure as heck don't like being back in the 200's.  

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Retaining a thousand pounds of water

I don't want to go to the meeting tonight.  I'm super, super bloathed and I know it will registers as a gain.  It took  me forever to get out of the 200's, and I'm barely under it that a gain for sure will send me back into the 200's.

what to do, what to do?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


I'm in onderland, I'M IN ONEDERLAND.  O-N-E-D-E-R-L-A-N-D people. I'm so excited, and I must admit I got a bit chocked up on the scale.  It's been 10 years since the last time I remember seeing a ONE in front of my weight.    I know it's has happened in the the last decade a few times but it never lasted but it was only for a brief moment.  The first time on weight watcher* I lost 25 lbs. but I don't even recall it at all, I just remember cuz I had a bookmark that said it.  Then about 6 years ago I got to the 190's but that was just done so unhealthy.

This time around I am stocked and my lazy ass got out of bed at 10:00 pm and headed to Target with a 2 day menu plan. I'm hit my first target and now on to my next 5%. I so want to hit more than a 3 pound loss next week.

*First time I joined was April of 2000

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Missed week

I missed this weeks meeting, my daughter had a mandatory basketball pot-luck luncheon.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

New Job

My job for the next two weeks is to lose 5 pounds, and get out of the 200’s foeva. The original plan was to lose 4 pounds this week and whatever came the following week, but that is rather aggressive and if I don’t achieve the goal - I will totally be bummed and I will then go back to a dark place mentally.

One of my many problems is that I set BIG/HUGE goals for myself and then beat myself up when I don’t obtain them, and when that happens I take A LOT of steps backwards. As they say the first step is admitting you have a problem, I’m full on acknowledging it and working to fix it. So I fully think that if I treat this as a full time job, I can easily do 5 pounds in 2 weeks. I am going to devote time and energy to this as I would my job and school work. When doing my work; I need to set up plans, charts, to do lists, reminders and some research to accomplish certain tasks. This will be no different.

The number one thing on my to do list for the week is to get up and go for a 1 to 2 hour walk, hey it might help me sleep*, research states “Exercising at moderate intensity for at least a half an hour each morning, seven days per week produced the best effect. Those who used stretching also had less trouble falling asleep.” Is that not a good reason to get up and do it, there is something else wrong with me.
The number 2 item is to track my points in my journal. I have been doing well on this aspect but I don’t journal every day, and I don’t jot down everything I eat, I sort of run a mental journal at times. Everything I eat, I will write down.

I’m sure I will have other things on my charts and lists but these are the 2 most important ones.

*I haven’t had a good night sleep for about 2 years now. It takes me about an hour to fall asleep and then I wake up about every 3 hours and sometime its takes me a while to fall back asleep.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Egg White Flan

This has been my go to receipe, feeling and low in fat, granted my flan doesn't come out looking like the picture.

4 egg whites
2 Table Spoons of honey from stevia or agave
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla
1/2 teaspoon of lemon peel zest.


Heat oven to 350 degrees
Beat the egg whites, add 1 tablespoon of honey or stevia, vanilla and lemon zest
Put the rest of the honey in the pan and add the prepared. Cooking in "Bano Maria" Style(in a container filled with water, the flan container is place inside the container to cook in)
Cook for 30 minutes, cool, unmold cold

Monday, October 24, 2011

Sleeping my life away

Run The 'Hood

I’m so disappointed with myself; I didn’t participate in the 5K. I was excited about it, I mapped out my route, and sort of planned out my time frame, but I just didn’t do it. I didn’t take the time to appoint set time for it. I just figured I would be able to do it when ever; as I had from 12:01 am to 11:30 pm to complete it.

I got up at 7:00 am with every intention in my being to participate in the event, I got dressed up in my walking gear with my cool t-shirt and then my day started. At 8:00 am I dropped off my daughter at basketball camp. Then I had a school meeting from 9:00 – 11:00 am. When I got home my mom asked me to take her on some errands and then we would get something to eat, was back home by 1:30. I was a bit full from what I ate, that I sat on the couch and fell asleep till about 3:30. At 4:00 pm I debated about going for the walk before picking up daughter at 5:00 pm but what if I didn’t finish on time to get her. Then I picked up my daughter, had dinner and was going to go but my mom decided to hire an unknown man to do some odds and ends in her house, and he just wouldn’t leave. I wasn’t going to leave my daughter home alone, when he finally left at about 8:00 pm, I was already mad at myself and had just shut down mentally regarding the walk. You’ve no idea how disappointed I was with myself, especially since I wore the shirt all day.

I then decided to cheat a bit; I knew that I would be able to log in my time until Monday, so I decided to go on the walk after I dropped off my daughter at basketball camp Sunday morning at 8:00. That didn’t’ happen, I was up until about 3 am with anxiety attacks and woke up with painful cramps and I used that as an excuse to come home and go to back to sleep.

All of Sunday, I just kept asking myself what is wrong with me? Why am I lazy? Why am I not motivated? Why am I over eating? Why am I letting this discourage me from not tracking my points? WHY? WHY? WHY? I didn’t come up with any answers.

Normally when I come to this point in life I basically throw in the towel and just give up for a while. Fortunately I am starting to understand myself and coming to terms with some of my feelings and inner demons. I am not going to throw in the towel but I need to find a way to deal with my frustrations instead of just shutting down. A thought did creeped up in my head about dealing with exercise as a work assignment. I recall all the times that I got up at 4 or 5 in the morning, on Saturday and Sundays to go to work. I didn’t want to but I did it because I had an obligation.

So what’s the difference, I have a huge obligation to me; I need to keep myself healthy and happy. Some sacrifices are hard, and you just have no idea how much I love sleeping but there have been numerous times that I feel that with all the sleeping I do I am allowing life to pass me by.

So Wednesday is the start of a new WW week, and it will be the start of something new for me; sleep is going to take to sit in the back. Regardless of how many hours I have slept, I will get up at 5 to walk 3 miles in the morning, weekends we will do it at 7.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Oh my gosh, is this a sign or what, this appeared on FB just as I was doubting myself on sending out resumes.  I have leaved in fear all of my life and I need to just release it once and for all.

My torch has been extinguished

I am so bummed, my torch has been extinguished and I have been booted off the island.  All because I didn't hit the submit button, how frustrating is that?!?

Two of the owners are out of the country for 2 weeks, and I thought it would be some nice relaxing time at the office, well that has not been the case. I have been doing a ton of things at once, and I did pull up the page, I typed in the information but I just didn't bother to check if the info had been submitted. The bummer was that I was starting to get excited, we were two weeks away from the merging of the teams and I knew I was in it for another week since one of my team mates stayed the same for the week. I was making meal menus, an exercise chart and then pow my name is the first one pulled. 

Of course I was bothered, but I said oh well off to exile island I go, I can still succeed there but then on my drive home it hit me.  I'm not in exile island, I didn't check in I'M COMPLETELY OFF THE ISLAND. Then I was just mad, another thing this stupid ass job has taken away from me. I did over eat a little bit for dinner, but then I just stopped myself.  So what if I am off the island, I'm still in this journey and me getting closer to my weight goal is also me closer to leaving my current job in my rear mirror.  I'm going to continue on the WW plan (cuz I am rocking the whole journaling thing) but I am modifying my exercise plan cuz I'm just not a morning person I don't want to get up at 5:00 am to go for a 2 hour walk.  I'd rather do an hour of Zumba at night. 

I have to stop being my own sabotager and letting small things get in the way of my goals and dreams, and thank God I'm finally getting it.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


I knew there was a reason 216 lb stuck out in my brain, that was the heaviest I have ever been but I just quite couldn't remember when.  It was December 7, 2010.

When I stopped attending meetings I was shy from loosing 5 pounds on my journey, but looking back I was not mentally there to work the plan.  I believe that out of the 11 weeks I attended meetings, I only journaled for 1 week.  Thank goodness I am at a different state of mind to finish off this year.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Weight Watchers take 414

I’m going back to Weight Watchers. After trying to lure my co worker to join with me last year and earlier this year, she finally decided to join on her own. I’ve been debating about rejoining since I stopped going to meetings, but the finance part of it stopped me. This was all until I had to have a serious conversation with myself, yes it’s $12 a week to go use their scale but I also learn so much from the leader and the other members. AND $12 a week is a great investment towards my health. So I will be back tomorrow. Also another reason I have wanted to join is because once you achieve your goal weight you can get a job at Weight Watchers.

I officially will be a member tomorrow, but I have started counting my points today. I have loosely done it since Thursday of last week, but I actually started writing them today. No time like the present to start, and so proud of myself that I am not going on a binge just because I start tomorrow. Granted I give a huge credit of that to ShrinkVivor, as I want to stay in the challenge until the end.

Thursday, October 06, 2011

No Computer

We currently don't have a computer at home, and I can't really blog at work (unless the owners are out of town.)  Our home was broken into and the two items they took one was the lap top, and given my financial situation, its going to be a bit before I can replace it.

On the challenge front I am going strong, but was a bit stressed yesterday when I was one of the ones with the lowest lost percentage. Then one of my team mates mentioned one of the girls assigned to our tribe never checked in so hopefully our tribe is still intact for another week.  I sure don't want to be eliminated on the first week again.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Weekly Check-In


Holy Crap, I just can’t get out of the 200’s.  I don’t know how much this takes into effect on my weigh in but I totally forgot today was weight in and I wore jeans instead of the usual dress.  BUT I don’t blame it all on the jeans; I was extremely lazy this week on the whole eating thing.  I went way off eating every 3 hours and I had a few unhealthy/carb loaded meals.

AND I just discovered my monthly visitor will be joining me this week so now I don’t feel that bad about the weight gain.

On to exciting news the new challenge starts next week, and I am so mentally prepared for this I know that I will make it to the end.  I just hope I don’t get voted off this time around if I have a big loss.  I’m strategizing my game plan for the 30 days meal plan, scheduling Zumba 4 times a week and going to start training for the 5k walk. Hopefully by the second weight-in I will finally be out of the 200’s.  

Thursday, September 15, 2011


I'm joining the Zumba Phenomenon.

When I was younger I was a pretty good dancer, I could jirate my hips with the best of them but now not so much. I'm a bit intimidated in trying this out since I've tried a few dance exercise video and I was just very uncoordinated but I have to try.  I LOVE TO DANCE and quite a few people have lost a lot of weight and tone up with this so lets hope it works for me.

There's a couple of Zumba locations that have opened up near my home that charge $3 per class. I did the math and if I go every day it can get expensive but 3 times a week should be the same as a gym membership and well I had those before and it was money wasted for all the months I didn't go and still paid.  With the classes at least I pay as I go. 

First class is tomorrow at 8 pm, wish me luck.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Weekly Check-In


Down 1 pound this week, granted I was expecting a 5 pound loss but 1 pound is so good. This past week I was supposedly doing one of the 7 day eating plans but I must admit I was nowhere near doing it 100% on a daily basis. Yesterday I threw up my hands left my chicken and veggies lunch in the fridge and went out to eat Pizza. I’m just so tired of eating chicken, and watching the clock to see if it’s time to eat again, counting “okay I ate at 7:30, so it’s 8:30, 9:30, okay at 10:30 is when I eat again, oh crap it’s 11:00 already.” AND since I am such a picker eater I’m tired of the same food day in and day out.

This morning I woke up in one of those moods to just say screw it all “I will start again tomorrow.” I just didn’t want to cook my protein flan and I don’t want to eat chicken and I just don’t want to. I know I sound like a spoiled child, and when I heard the tantrum going on in my head I took out the tape measure and measured my waist. I LOST 2 INCHES OF MY WAIST! I’ve lost 12 pounds doing the plan and I lost a pound this week without truly eating what I was supposed to. The thing is that I get hung up on the smallest of stupidest things and I need to grow up and get over it.

For example, I really like the protein bars that where recommended and there are days I’m not supposed to eat them or only have 1 a day. Eating at least 1 a day saves me from cooking at least one meal or what if I just don’t want to cook my snacks and I want to eat 2 for the days? And I want to eat brown rice with one of my meals or add guacamole to my protein tacos? This torments me as I want to do the plan perfectly but come one I am so not perfect and eating a protein bar is so much better than going to McDonald’s or Burger King. So I just have to chill out and who really cares if I eat 1 or 2 protein bars a day, it’s what makes me feel right.

On another note, I registered for the Virtual Walk/Run that the Sisterhood is organizing. I have taken a few weeks from running so I signed up for the 5Kwalk and I was so excited to see that they are bringing back the Shrinkvivor challenge. Signups were to be today, but I didn’t see the form – hopefully it’s wasn’t a glitch posting.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Weekly Check-In


Labor day in Vegas attributed to the gain but also my "this is the last weekend I can have carbs for a while" thinking.  Why is it that we have to have those weekends of well I'm starting Monday lets eat everything in sight mentality?  Well as deflating as this realization was, I'm glad I made it - the first step is admitting you have a problem. And hopefully the next time I take a break I will remember that eventually I will be able to include all types of foods into my diet.

Today I'm starting on of the 7 day eating plans, this one starts with 3 days of ketosis, and it's tiresome that I have to eat every 2 hours and that equals to 9 meals a day, bu hopefully I will loose over 5 pounds this week.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Burst Into Summer Final Weight-In

203.5 lb

I honestly don’t remember when the last time I was this close to 200 lb was. I do remember the last time I was less than 200 pounds, it was in 2006 and it was a bad time in my life and it was mainly reach by not eating. I’m so thankful that I am in a different place in my head, body and soul and I will once again be less that 200 and reach it in a healthy way with no self sabotage in ever going back.

Officially I have lost 6 pounds during this challenge, with computer issues and what have you I was not posting my weight on a weekly basis here or on paper for my record. I’d just post it on the Sisterhood website. I think during the challenge I got up to 214, but I’m not exactly sure. If that was the case I lost 10 pounds and that number feels right. That’s the number I feel I lost. People are noticing, my clothes are feeling looser, and my love handles are going down.

Can’t wait for the next challenge!

Saturday, August 20, 2011


Run The 'Hood

I'm just loving the Sisterhood, they are bringing some really cool things. This time around they are having a virtual walk/run.  I can't register until the begining of the month, and I guess that's a good thing since I really don't know what category I want to sign up for.

5K Walk - I'm currently walking a 5k every other day, it takes me about an hour to complete but should I stay in my comfort zone or broaden my horizon?

5K Run  - This one scares me.  Only because I've started the c25k  training in the past and I never got past week 2 - I have a knee issue and shin issues.  I really, truly want to be a runner but should I push myself when I really don't know what my knee issues are? 

10K Walk - I'm leaning towards this one as it would be pushing myself out of my comfort zone, but I am a bit competitive and I want to win one of the prizes and I don't think I would be able to do that in this category.

10K Run - this isn't even an option, uh uh.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Check In

204 lbs
I seriously had to do a triple take when I saw that number, I actually turned the scale on and off to make sure. I don't recall the last time I weight this.  I haven't gotten below 205 in a really long time.

I've officially lost 5 pounds on this challenge :)  And 12 pounds since the beginning of the year. I can't even articulate how ecstatic I am.  I mean I have lost weight in the past and a good chunk at times but I've never really been mentally on it and I am so on it now.   Even on the days that I don't cook my meals or go away for the weekend I don't have a smorgasbord.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

A month later

209.0 lbs

A month into the challenge and I'm back to the starting weight, UGH! Why can we gain it so quickly and then it takes for ever to loose it? C'est le vie!

I've not been able to blog on a weekly basis as I currently don't have a working computer at home, but hopefully that will change by the end of the month. I've done a few changes these past few weeks and I'm really proud of myself.  One because I've stuck with it and another is that I finally admitted and realized that I am my worst sabotage. I basically talk myself out of doing things, plain and simple. I talk myself out of why not to walk consecutive days or why I can't go another mile or why I can't do jumping jack, etc. etc. etc. I'm just full of excuses. BUT hopefully now that I have admitted to this fault I will overcome it.

I am walking on a daily basis I started with 3 miles for the first 2 weeks and now I am up to 5 miles a day. Also, I started the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred, granted I only did 3 days but I'm determined to restart it today and do the full 30 days.  One of the reasons I only did 3 days is because when it was time to do the video I'd have to do it in front of the peanut gallery and they'd laugh at me on how I looked doing some of the moves. So I talked myself out of it but I am committed to not take their crap and just plug on through.  Hello! if I can run a 1/4 mile in public on a very populated trail while holding my boobs I so can do aerobics in front of the family.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Meal Planner

Found this website with meal planner calendar templates, so what I was looking for


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Busrt Weight In


I'm up half a pound, and it's always disappointing to see a gain but this is great for just spending a weekend at my aunt's.  I'm so ready for this challenge, I'm ready for a healthy me.

As all the challenges this year on the Sisterhood, there are mini-challenges during the week; this weeks mini-challenge is to be hydrated.  I have this one in the bag, I have been doing the 3 liters a day since the Survivor challenge; okay I don't do it every day but it's more on than off on this one.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Burst Into Summer Challenge
I'm on Team 23!  So excited to get this challenge going :)

Mentally I have been preparing for this challenge for a bit now. AND I'm hoping that I'm finally mentally capable of sticking this out and changing my relationship with food and exercise. Hopefully this past weekend is a testament that I am mentally there. I didn't make the best eating decisions but I am proud/astonished to report that I only had 1 can of coke, I rode the stationary bike for a bit and drank lots of water. This are all a HUGE accomplishment for me.  During a typical stay at my aunts, I can easily drink a case of coke, eat tons of ice cream and just stare at the stationary bike thinking that I should use it but just end up walking away.

Also another eye opener was that my sister, who is studying to be some sort of medical nurse assistant, took my blood pressure and it was okay for now, but the reading showed that I was in the prehypertension category - that means that if I don't change my ways I can end up with High Blood Pressure.  I already was diagnosed with high cholesterol a few years ago but never took the medicine because I was in denial of being too young for it. I can't live in denial anymore.

A is for Apple ...

A is for Apple, what’s your favorite variety?
Don't really have a fav type

B: is for Bread, regardless of nutrition, calories, or whole grains what is your favorite type to have a nice big piece of?

C: is for Cereal what is your favorite kind currently (just one!)
D: is for Doughnuts, you might not currently be eating them but what kind do you fancy?
glazed twist

E: is for Eggs, how would you like yours prepared?
hard boiled specially in a salad or sunny side up in huevos rancheros

F: is for Fat Free, what is your favorite fat free product?
umm, nothing fat free really taste good, there's always an after taste
G: is for Groceries, where do you purchase yours at?
Vallarta's or Superior
H: is for Hot Beverages, what is your favorite hot drink?
Coffee with a lot of creamer

I: is for Ice Cream, pick a favorite flavor and add a fun topping.
vanilla with caramel sauce = yum!
J: is for Jams or Jellies, do you eat them, and if so what kind and flavor?
Strawberries and Cream

K: is for Kashi, name your favorite Kashi product?
I'm not a fan of any

L: is for Lunch, what was yours today?
Subway; Turkey on wheat with the inside bread removed :) provolone, lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, cucumber, bell pepper, onion, jalapenos, light mayo, mustard, oil, vinegar, salt & pepper
M: is for microwave, what is your favorite microwave meal/snack?
Campbell's chicken with dumplings

N: is for nutrients, do you like carbs, fats, or proteins best?
Carbs, love pasta
O: is for oil, what kind do you like to use?
Olive oil

P: is for protein, how do you get yours?
Q: is for Quaker, how do you like your oats?
Love Quaker Weight control maple & brown sugar
R: is for roasting, what is your favorite thing to roast?
chicken drenched in butter with carrots & celery

S: is for sandwich, what’s your favorite kind?
Turkey, I know I can make one at home but I prefer my bought either at subway or trimana

T: is for travel, how do you handle eating while traveling?
Typically not that well.  What ever is available and normally high in calories
U: is for unique, what is one of your weirdest food combos?
I'm a picky eater so I doubt I have any weird combos.
V: is for vitamins, what kind do you take?
Calcium, multi-vitamin & omega 3
W: is for wasabi, yay or nay?
Yay, wasabi peas :)

X: is for XRAY. if we xrayed your belly right now, what food would we see?
Turkey, bread - oaky 2 mexican birotes, lettuce & chilli covered dried mangos 

Y: is for youth, what food reminds you of your childhood?
fresh hand made flour tortilla with sugar - there are days I miss my abuelita so much.
Z: is for zucchini, how do you prepare it?
hardly eat it, and never really cook it 

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

I'll start on Monday


The challenge officially starts next week, but I’m starting today. No time like the present, and I so didn’t want to fall into the trap “well the challenge starts next week, I can splurge until then.” The mentality of “I’ll start on Monday” or “what the heck I cheated anyway” has added a lot of extra pounds on me.

Hopefully I have come to understand that I will have a lot of obstacles / stresses in my life and even though I do allow most of them to affect me, I just can’t throw my health to the wind. I need to start preparing myself now, as I know this will be a challenging summer. My uncle’s health is declining, and my aunt is in her 70’s; she’s by herself as they never had any kids. I’ll be traveling quite a bit this summer, and she always has A LOT of food with the fridge stock with goodies for the kids. I’m weak and can’t say no to certain foods or desserts.

There are many other stressors in my life – my son starting college, my daughter spending a lot time home alone during the summer – I just have to learn that just because I have them doesn’t give me the excuse to seek out comfort food.

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

New Challenged Annouced

New Challenged announced with the Sisterhood Burst into Summer!
June 15th – August 11th. That’s 11 weeks of bursting, shrinking, or both!

I vow (have I done that before?) to stick through this challenge till the very end.  On the last challenge I missed the deadline to submit my weight ( family issues with a sick uncle in another state.) AND I remembered that this is the 2nd time it's happened, I just forget until about 11 pm  PST.  That's just inexcusable.  I need to make this a priority and if it's priority the weigh in deadline needs to be engraved in my brain or at least set up a weekly alarm on my phone.

I'm up a bit from my last challenge weigh in, but it's still down from the starting weight - 212 lb as of yesterday, that is still as 4.5 loss :)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Check In # 3

Wow, just can't believe we are in the middle of the month and just a few days from the middle of the year. And here we are half way through the challenge and I am rocking it :) I kept up with all of my goals water, fruits & veggies, and a 1 mile a day. I was a bit OCD on it cuz I knew I needed to report back, there were two night at 11 pm I was chugging the last of my water while eating a fruit cup or banana.

Now, some of my fruit servings were not the healthiest, and I am going to work on making better choices, but I figured that as long as I got the servings in this week it was a huge plus.  The biggest culprit was strawberries and creme, I had about 7 serving this week of that. Also fruit cups, I didn't even want to look how much sugar that had.  BUT on a plus side, I was making sure to have a salad with lunch this week. If you are in a crunch, McDonald's has the side salad for $1.00, I was told it was not the best choice but hey it's a serving of veggies.

On the weight front, I stayed the same. The big loss from last week, I will happily take a 0.0 loss, always good it's not a gain.
Starting Weight 216
Last Week 209.5
This week 209.5
Loss -0.0
Total Loss -6.5

Friday, May 13, 2011

Odd Man Out

Easter 2010
The resemblance between my sisters and I are seen by a lot but I just don't see it. Maybe it's because I've always felt like the odd man out.* As a child, I was the really light skin one with curly hair and the only one of my sibling with green/hazel eyes.

September 2007
When I see pictures of us, I always cringe.  The first reason is because well I'm the heaviest and second reason is because they are always so put together and I'm not. In seeing this years picture my mind went into over drive in finalizing my "Drab to MILF** Project." I no longer want to be the frumpy one in the pictures!

What exactly is the "MILF Project" you may ask, well it's just basically creating a sexy mama. I've never been a girly girl. Never learned how to apply make-up (seriously, I look like a clown sometimes.) I hardly wear earrings or any jewelry for that matter. My wardrobe consist of a lot of hand me downs and really washed out clothes. I did try to learn and I think I was doing okay during high school, when I think most girls learn to dress up and all that, but I became pregnant soon after high school and entered into a 19 year relationship in which my self esteem took a beating. 

This is so not the blog to bash him, but I do think you need a little bit of history on it. 
I've realized and have come to terms with the fact that I have always had a low self esteem (which I am currently working on fixing). I have always wanted people's approval and love and have allowed many things to happen because I don't like thinking that someone doesn't like me.  So in this relationship I allowed a lot of what happened for many reason but the main reason was that I wanted to stay in it for the "love" and going along with his way of thinking was so much easier to give into it than to fight.  Some small examples are that if I dressed up, or wore make-up or started to loose weight he would start making comments that I was doing it for another man, but yet at other times he would criticized me because I didn't take pride in my appearance. Also, if I bought make-up, clothes, shoes, dyed/cut my hair I'd get a guilt trip on how that money would of been better spent on the family.  THANKFULLY I know now these are his insecurities not mine and this is so not how I want to live my life but it is 19 years of reprogramming, because I have found myself feeling guilt after buying me a pair of shoes.

Shortly after we split off, I took a hard look at myself in the mirror and knew this is not the person I wanted to be.  I started toying with the concept of a project because I knew I wasn't going to be able to do it in a snap of a finger, Developing a new look is going to take time for someone who lasted months without plucking her eyebrows. The name of the project came to me because well who doesn't want to be a MILF and just about every time I tell people I have an 18 year old son I am told I don't look old enough to have a child that old.

Now, I haven't finalized the outline of the project, a timetable for it. I do want to take pictures along the way to show the progress but my daughter is always misplacing it.  The Make It or Break It challenges came from this concept too and know that for this to take I have to create a lot of new habits. (I also have pictures to post about this, but I don't have the memory card right now.)

* I've always felt like the the milk man daughter.
**MILF is Mother I would Like to Fuck

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Check In #2

I really dislike my scale, today it range from 209.5 - 214.  I know the scale well enough that I have to get on it a couple of time to get the correct weight but the last two times I have gotten on it, it has been way off.  The last time it told me I was under 200, it would be nice if it were true but then it told me I was 215.  Good thing there is a brand new shipping scale at work that I can finally weigh in at.

I'm down to 209.5, that's a 6.5 weight loss since May 1st.  WOOO WHOOO!

I did really great on the water challenge, and so so okay on my challenge about the fruits & veggie. I'm making more of a conscience choice of eating them but always seem to fall short 1 or 2 a day.  And the other sisterhood challenges, well it hard to get on the chat and #tworkout as I get out of work at 6:00 pm PST.  I did try to the Tworkout for a little bit last night and figure something is better than nothing. 

May Your Way Challenge

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Weigh In #1

I'm down 1 pound :)  I have been lagging on my personal goals, the family is starting a new business venture and I've been stressing a bit about is since I have to put in a few long nights.  I'm doing okay with the water, but those darn fruits and veggies have always been a challenge. 

This week’s mission is to drink your water. You probably knew that was coming, huh? Let’s aim to get at least 64 oz each and every day this week. You can do it! Your body will love you for it! {maybe not your bladder}

This week challenge is superb since I'm already doing it :) and yes, your bladder hates you at time and I have wondered (when the drip doesn't seem to stop) that I couldn't of possibly have drank all that water from the last 10 minutes I was just in the rest room.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

May Your Way

There's a new challenge at The Sisterhood, May your way. The one thing I like about it that it runs May 1st to the 31st, really like that it a full month challenge.

I did really good with my first make it or break it challenge but I am having a hard time with my second one. Drinking water on the weekends has never been an easy task, and I just can't motivate myself to get on the treadmill. So I am making these my goals for the month, drink 3 litters of water, walk 1 mile on the treadmill and eat 5 fruits/veggies a day.  That all should help with the big goal of loosing 10 pounds this month.

I would really like to loose more but I don't want to set myself up for disappointment and with disappointment comes giving up and then being mad at myself and then looking at food for comfort and then we are back to square one, really who wants to put themselves on that cycle.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

The view from up here

I started on thinking about creating myself into a MILF, going from drab to MILF. An idea I am toying with :)

I definitely need to improve my appearance, for years now I’m just a total drab and many times have questioned my wardrobe choices. In the last year, or maybe even two, I mainly have worn tennis shoes to work. Today I decided to start wearing other types of shoes to work and may I say I really like the feeling I get when I look down, and see cute shoes, that I am wearing.

Even though money is a bit tight, I am going to splurge a bit and get some new pair of shoes.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Make it or Break it ... Vitamins

Along with the lathing of my elbows, I will be taking vitamins for my challenge.  I've noticed that I have been a bit lagging lately and I also noticed that I don't feel like this when I take the vitamins.

I made me a homemade calendar, nothing fancy just something to check of the dates.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Make it or Break It

I've had a ringworm/dryness on both my elbows for years now. The look of them has always bothered me and made me a bit self conscience, but when that time come they are already horrible looking with cuts and bleeding.  Once this happens I start to put on cream and it goes away and then it it starts to get better, and I stop and it comes back.  I really want to work on my whole imagine and this (besides my weight) is one of the things that really bothers me about my appearance.
Well, I decided to start a mini challenge for myself (and hopefully I stick with it.) It's take 21 days to make or break a habit, and I want to get rid of these ugly elbows. For the next 21 days I am going to lather them up every chance I get with Bag Balm. My aunt uses this balm on her hands and feet, and she has very nice hands and feet for her age.  So once this is a habit, I should have beautiful elbows.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


When the first few greys started to appears, I had the notion that when my hair started to go more grey I would let them grow and leave my hair al natural. NOT!

In the last 3 - 4 months, the greys have attacked my hair and I don't like it! And my new hair-do just made them shine even more. There will be no al natural for me, I'll be dying my hair pretty soon but I'm having a hard time deciding what color.  I've been toying with the idea of going blond but that's a lot of maintenance, but I really don't like how I look with dark hair, decision, decisions.

Monday, March 07, 2011

Power of One Recap

The Power of One challenge had ended and I'm dissapointed in myself that I yet again I didn't complete something, but I hit a few road blocks this past month.

1. My spounce and I have seperated, it was sometime coming but it still a shock to the system.
2. We lost internet connection - We had a major virus and our internet was shut off for a bit because of it.
3. I had major tooth ache - I have been struggling with the tooth for a few months but this last month the infection got worse and with no insurance and no money it was hard to pay for the treatment so I suffered.
4. Dealing with my loneliness has been an issue, and a few times I used food as confort.
5. I've been stressing about being a single paycheck family.

I'm working on trying to get back on track and hopefully by the end of the week I should be chugging along.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011


I've been slowing gaining some weight, I'm currenlty at 210.2 and the only reason is that I haven't been doing the plan. I've had some major home issue and a horible, horrible tooth ache* but I just haven't been doing the plan but today is a new day / a new week.

*might need tohave 2 root canals, ugh!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Running with the Sisterhood

I set out a goal to start the couch to 5k program again and run 2 5K's with hopefully (but not mandatory) doing a ½ marathon at the end of the year and attempting to the L.A. Marathon in 2012. When I read the article on the sisterhood about the ½ Rock 'n Roll Marathon in San Diego I instantly wanted to sign up.

I know I can walk a 5K for a consecutive week, running it is another story but I know that if I put focus on the training I can do it, and I know a 5K is a lot and a huge accomplishment but I want the satisfaction of saying "WOW I JUST RAN A ½ MARATHON." Always hearing of a 5K, it just sounded so intimidating, but when I found out my walking route/path was equivalent to 3.1 miles I was a bit disappointed. I was thinking "this is it, I was scared of a 5k and this is it!" I know this type of response or attitude is what always failed me. I want BIG, I want it ALL or nothing. AND look 10 years and I'm still overweight.

That is why, as much as the challenger in me wants to do the ½ marathon and sign up right now, I am going to think about it over the weekend.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Weigh In #2 POWER OF ONE

208.6 lbs

A 0.2 weight loss this week. I was a bit disappointed when the number appeared in the scale. I had a great loss last week, and I was expecting another great one this week since I kicked but in tracking my points.  In all the times I've done WW, I never tracked for a complete week, so even though the loss is not what I wanted I'm proud of myself.  I know the areas that I need to work on, and today is the start of a new week. 

I realized that I am not prepared for the weekends. This past weekend I ate food high in points and not that feeling.  I do great during the week with preparing my lunch and snacks but for the weekend it's hard. I'm not used to preparing meals on the weekend, I normally just leave dinners up to what ever fast food we are in the mood for.  This months assignment is to get used to cooking on the weekend again and getting the family used to eating at the same time again.

Sunday, January 09, 2011


Recently my daughter told me that Katy Perry's Firework song reminded her of me, because I am always telling people to look at the positive side of things. I had heard the song before but had never really paid attentino to the lyrics, wow this song has become my anthem.

I've always been really good at giving out advise, and quick to be able to point out the wrongs on certain things but boy I was horibble in taking my own advise. At times I did feel like noone could hear my screams and just waiting for a brand new start.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag

Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Letter From the Future

January, 2012

Dear Michelle,

When this challenge was given last year, I was a bit apprehensive in writing you letter from the future. I was scared of having a year go by and waking up in the New Year and nothing had changed. We lived with each other for 36 years, and set out the same SAME, resolutions every year. And every year those resolutions easily fizzled away. BUT in 2011 things changes and I am so proud of you that 2011 was not the same. YOU my dear friend have done phenomenal and tackled just about all of your goals. I am so glad that we finally discovered the reason to fight, and that reason is life. Our life has been so worth it all these year but we just lost our drive somewhere along the line but that is all in the past and we have such a great future ahead of us.

Currently you are well on your way on walking on stage for your A.A. Degree, you have paid off 3 of your collection accounts, and are out of your awful work environment. Thank God for these because these where one of the biggest issues that effected your mental status.

As for your weight loss, WOW! I knew the first week in January that you would stick it out with WW this time around, and the meetings you have missed are easily counted in one hand. Tracking your food has been a challenge but it was worth all the time an energy that you’ve become somewhat of an expert in it. You’ve completed 2 5k’s and are in the best shape in your life. I am so glad you found the fighter in you again.

Here’s to a great future, and never going back to the state of mind you were in the first decade of the 2000’s.

I love you so much,


Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Weight #1 POWER OF ONE

I'm Down w/the Sisterhood  4 pounds this week, woo hoo. I am so pumped. 

The first time I joined WW was in 2000. Like a few out there, I have joined WW a gazillion times and I have failed a gazillion times because mentally I just wasn't there.

This past decade was a rough one, and I made it even rougher because I self indulged in my pity party. Part of me is still afraid that I will sabotage myself in someway but I am loving the New Points Plus program from WW and I just have to keep fait that I will stay positive.