Road to becoming an improved person in all areas of my life; motherhood, health, religion, appearance, organization, financial.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

New Job

My job for the next two weeks is to lose 5 pounds, and get out of the 200’s foeva. The original plan was to lose 4 pounds this week and whatever came the following week, but that is rather aggressive and if I don’t achieve the goal - I will totally be bummed and I will then go back to a dark place mentally.

One of my many problems is that I set BIG/HUGE goals for myself and then beat myself up when I don’t obtain them, and when that happens I take A LOT of steps backwards. As they say the first step is admitting you have a problem, I’m full on acknowledging it and working to fix it. So I fully think that if I treat this as a full time job, I can easily do 5 pounds in 2 weeks. I am going to devote time and energy to this as I would my job and school work. When doing my work; I need to set up plans, charts, to do lists, reminders and some research to accomplish certain tasks. This will be no different.

The number one thing on my to do list for the week is to get up and go for a 1 to 2 hour walk, hey it might help me sleep*, research states “Exercising at moderate intensity for at least a half an hour each morning, seven days per week produced the best effect. Those who used stretching also had less trouble falling asleep.” Is that not a good reason to get up and do it, there is something else wrong with me.
The number 2 item is to track my points in my journal. I have been doing well on this aspect but I don’t journal every day, and I don’t jot down everything I eat, I sort of run a mental journal at times. Everything I eat, I will write down.

I’m sure I will have other things on my charts and lists but these are the 2 most important ones.

*I haven’t had a good night sleep for about 2 years now. It takes me about an hour to fall asleep and then I wake up about every 3 hours and sometime its takes me a while to fall back asleep.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Egg White Flan

This has been my go to receipe, feeling and low in fat, granted my flan doesn't come out looking like the picture.

4 egg whites
2 Table Spoons of honey from stevia or agave
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla
1/2 teaspoon of lemon peel zest.


Heat oven to 350 degrees
Beat the egg whites, add 1 tablespoon of honey or stevia, vanilla and lemon zest
Put the rest of the honey in the pan and add the prepared. Cooking in "Bano Maria" Style(in a container filled with water, the flan container is place inside the container to cook in)
Cook for 30 minutes, cool, unmold cold

Monday, October 24, 2011

Sleeping my life away

Run The 'Hood

I’m so disappointed with myself; I didn’t participate in the 5K. I was excited about it, I mapped out my route, and sort of planned out my time frame, but I just didn’t do it. I didn’t take the time to appoint set time for it. I just figured I would be able to do it when ever; as I had from 12:01 am to 11:30 pm to complete it.

I got up at 7:00 am with every intention in my being to participate in the event, I got dressed up in my walking gear with my cool t-shirt and then my day started. At 8:00 am I dropped off my daughter at basketball camp. Then I had a school meeting from 9:00 – 11:00 am. When I got home my mom asked me to take her on some errands and then we would get something to eat, was back home by 1:30. I was a bit full from what I ate, that I sat on the couch and fell asleep till about 3:30. At 4:00 pm I debated about going for the walk before picking up daughter at 5:00 pm but what if I didn’t finish on time to get her. Then I picked up my daughter, had dinner and was going to go but my mom decided to hire an unknown man to do some odds and ends in her house, and he just wouldn’t leave. I wasn’t going to leave my daughter home alone, when he finally left at about 8:00 pm, I was already mad at myself and had just shut down mentally regarding the walk. You’ve no idea how disappointed I was with myself, especially since I wore the shirt all day.

I then decided to cheat a bit; I knew that I would be able to log in my time until Monday, so I decided to go on the walk after I dropped off my daughter at basketball camp Sunday morning at 8:00. That didn’t’ happen, I was up until about 3 am with anxiety attacks and woke up with painful cramps and I used that as an excuse to come home and go to back to sleep.

All of Sunday, I just kept asking myself what is wrong with me? Why am I lazy? Why am I not motivated? Why am I over eating? Why am I letting this discourage me from not tracking my points? WHY? WHY? WHY? I didn’t come up with any answers.

Normally when I come to this point in life I basically throw in the towel and just give up for a while. Fortunately I am starting to understand myself and coming to terms with some of my feelings and inner demons. I am not going to throw in the towel but I need to find a way to deal with my frustrations instead of just shutting down. A thought did creeped up in my head about dealing with exercise as a work assignment. I recall all the times that I got up at 4 or 5 in the morning, on Saturday and Sundays to go to work. I didn’t want to but I did it because I had an obligation.

So what’s the difference, I have a huge obligation to me; I need to keep myself healthy and happy. Some sacrifices are hard, and you just have no idea how much I love sleeping but there have been numerous times that I feel that with all the sleeping I do I am allowing life to pass me by.

So Wednesday is the start of a new WW week, and it will be the start of something new for me; sleep is going to take to sit in the back. Regardless of how many hours I have slept, I will get up at 5 to walk 3 miles in the morning, weekends we will do it at 7.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Oh my gosh, is this a sign or what, this appeared on FB just as I was doubting myself on sending out resumes.  I have leaved in fear all of my life and I need to just release it once and for all.

My torch has been extinguished

I am so bummed, my torch has been extinguished and I have been booted off the island.  All because I didn't hit the submit button, how frustrating is that?!?

Two of the owners are out of the country for 2 weeks, and I thought it would be some nice relaxing time at the office, well that has not been the case. I have been doing a ton of things at once, and I did pull up the page, I typed in the information but I just didn't bother to check if the info had been submitted. The bummer was that I was starting to get excited, we were two weeks away from the merging of the teams and I knew I was in it for another week since one of my team mates stayed the same for the week. I was making meal menus, an exercise chart and then pow my name is the first one pulled. 

Of course I was bothered, but I said oh well off to exile island I go, I can still succeed there but then on my drive home it hit me.  I'm not in exile island, I didn't check in I'M COMPLETELY OFF THE ISLAND. Then I was just mad, another thing this stupid ass job has taken away from me. I did over eat a little bit for dinner, but then I just stopped myself.  So what if I am off the island, I'm still in this journey and me getting closer to my weight goal is also me closer to leaving my current job in my rear mirror.  I'm going to continue on the WW plan (cuz I am rocking the whole journaling thing) but I am modifying my exercise plan cuz I'm just not a morning person I don't want to get up at 5:00 am to go for a 2 hour walk.  I'd rather do an hour of Zumba at night. 

I have to stop being my own sabotager and letting small things get in the way of my goals and dreams, and thank God I'm finally getting it.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


I knew there was a reason 216 lb stuck out in my brain, that was the heaviest I have ever been but I just quite couldn't remember when.  It was December 7, 2010.

When I stopped attending meetings I was shy from loosing 5 pounds on my journey, but looking back I was not mentally there to work the plan.  I believe that out of the 11 weeks I attended meetings, I only journaled for 1 week.  Thank goodness I am at a different state of mind to finish off this year.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Weight Watchers take 414

I’m going back to Weight Watchers. After trying to lure my co worker to join with me last year and earlier this year, she finally decided to join on her own. I’ve been debating about rejoining since I stopped going to meetings, but the finance part of it stopped me. This was all until I had to have a serious conversation with myself, yes it’s $12 a week to go use their scale but I also learn so much from the leader and the other members. AND $12 a week is a great investment towards my health. So I will be back tomorrow. Also another reason I have wanted to join is because once you achieve your goal weight you can get a job at Weight Watchers.

I officially will be a member tomorrow, but I have started counting my points today. I have loosely done it since Thursday of last week, but I actually started writing them today. No time like the present to start, and so proud of myself that I am not going on a binge just because I start tomorrow. Granted I give a huge credit of that to ShrinkVivor, as I want to stay in the challenge until the end.

Thursday, October 06, 2011

No Computer

We currently don't have a computer at home, and I can't really blog at work (unless the owners are out of town.)  Our home was broken into and the two items they took one was the lap top, and given my financial situation, its going to be a bit before I can replace it.

On the challenge front I am going strong, but was a bit stressed yesterday when I was one of the ones with the lowest lost percentage. Then one of my team mates mentioned one of the girls assigned to our tribe never checked in so hopefully our tribe is still intact for another week.  I sure don't want to be eliminated on the first week again.