Monday, October 24, 2011
Sleeping my life away
I’m so disappointed with myself; I didn’t participate in the 5K. I was excited about it, I mapped out my route www.dailymile.com, and sort of planned out my time frame, but I just didn’t do it. I didn’t take the time to appoint set time for it. I just figured I would be able to do it when ever; as I had from 12:01 am to 11:30 pm to complete it.
I got up at 7:00 am with every intention in my being to participate in the event, I got dressed up in my walking gear with my cool t-shirt and then my day started. At 8:00 am I dropped off my daughter at basketball camp. Then I had a school meeting from 9:00 – 11:00 am. When I got home my mom asked me to take her on some errands and then we would get something to eat, was back home by 1:30. I was a bit full from what I ate, that I sat on the couch and fell asleep till about 3:30. At 4:00 pm I debated about going for the walk before picking up daughter at 5:00 pm but what if I didn’t finish on time to get her. Then I picked up my daughter, had dinner and was going to go but my mom decided to hire an unknown man to do some odds and ends in her house, and he just wouldn’t leave. I wasn’t going to leave my daughter home alone, when he finally left at about 8:00 pm, I was already mad at myself and had just shut down mentally regarding the walk. You’ve no idea how disappointed I was with myself, especially since I wore the shirt all day.
I then decided to cheat a bit; I knew that I would be able to log in my time until Monday, so I decided to go on the walk after I dropped off my daughter at basketball camp Sunday morning at 8:00. That didn’t’ happen, I was up until about 3 am with anxiety attacks and woke up with painful cramps and I used that as an excuse to come home and go to back to sleep.
All of Sunday, I just kept asking myself what is wrong with me? Why am I lazy? Why am I not motivated? Why am I over eating? Why am I letting this discourage me from not tracking my points? WHY? WHY? WHY? I didn’t come up with any answers.
Normally when I come to this point in life I basically throw in the towel and just give up for a while. Fortunately I am starting to understand myself and coming to terms with some of my feelings and inner demons. I am not going to throw in the towel but I need to find a way to deal with my frustrations instead of just shutting down. A thought did creeped up in my head about dealing with exercise as a work assignment. I recall all the times that I got up at 4 or 5 in the morning, on Saturday and Sundays to go to work. I didn’t want to but I did it because I had an obligation.
So what’s the difference, I have a huge obligation to me; I need to keep myself healthy and happy. Some sacrifices are hard, and you just have no idea how much I love sleeping but there have been numerous times that I feel that with all the sleeping I do I am allowing life to pass me by.
So Wednesday is the start of a new WW week, and it will be the start of something new for me; sleep is going to take to sit in the back. Regardless of how many hours I have slept, I will get up at 5 to walk 3 miles in the morning, weekends we will do it at 7.