Road to becoming an improved person in all areas of my life; motherhood, health, religion, appearance, organization, financial.

Friday, January 06, 2012

Epiphany

It’s extremely fitting that on the day of Epiphany, I have the best epiphany of my life.
In a couple of weeks I will be celebrating my one year anniversary of being single and I started to questions one major thing in my life; my relationship status. Why am I still single and why don’t I want to date. This train of thought probably came from a few people asking me if I had started dating, if I wanted to date, to actually telling me that I needed to date and that I needed a man in my life. Then my niece who just 5 months ago split from a long term relationship went into another relationship, I started to question if there was something wrong with me. WHY DON’T I WANT TO DATE! Has been loud and center in my brain for a few days now. I started to questions if I still had feeling for my ex and that I should seize all contact with him* and thank fully with his help I ended up with today’s epiphany.

I’m done trying to make people understand or just plain old explaining to them that I just don’t want to date because I am very happy right now and for now that is all I need. There is nothing wrong with me because I want to stay single. I did let it mess with my head for a bit but those were other people’s feelings I was struggling with. They were not my own feelings and my feelings are the ones that are the most important.

I have always lived my life wanting to please others for some sort of acceptance and did many against my personal will because I wanted people to like me, to not be mad at me, to fit in, to be loved, etc. and it’s time I do things for me. AND I believe this is why I am enjoying my solitude. I am enjoying the process of finding out who I truly am. Bottom line is that this is MY LIFE, and I will live it as I see fit.

*my hope had always been that when we split up , we would stay in friendly terms and actually become friends and here we have it and I was going to throw it away for stupidity.

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