Road to becoming an improved person in all areas of my life; motherhood, health, religion, appearance, organization, financial.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

I was on a break

Totally blows my mind when I see it in print.  I took a TWO year break from my health.  Mind you, I willingly took it, I just didn't realize it would be for this long of a time.

It wasn't a solid two year break because in between I attempted WW again, I joined a gym (hardly went,) I quit smoking just about every month, I listened to hypnosis videos, I bought a ninja blender and a few other typical failed attempts.  BUT I do recall just checking out of my focus on loosing weight and what goes hand in hand with that - my health.

Something happened these past 6 months or so and I'm not able to pin point exactly what it is (if it's stress, depression, fear) but I have ballooned.  I could feel it in my clothes but I kept wanting to ignore it, I avoided mirrors and hardly took any pictures.

All until this past week which marked my 40th birthday.  We all know that pictures need to be taken of the  birthday girl, there is just no way to avoid that.

My heart sank when I saw this picture. Where has the shape of my face gone? I'm loosing my neck!

Then there are the full body pictures.

So when all of this was staring me right in the face, I went back and looked at pictures I avoided.

This was from the previous weekend (May 17)

How did I let myself get this way? What is making me just not have the determination to be fit and healthy? Why do I turn to food for comfort? Why can't I see one thing through? Why do I feel like such a failure?

All these questions require A LOT of soul searching, it can lead me places I might just not want to go BUT I have to try.  Part of it is for the weight loss but I see myself and I'm just unhealthy. I feel unhealthy, I feel like I have done some serious damage to myself. I want to have a loooooooooooooooooooong life and I know that at this pace I can't.

So I just need to figure out what I'm going to do to change this.

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