Road to becoming an improved person in all areas of my life; motherhood, health, religion, appearance, organization, financial.

Friday, May 30, 2014

This is currently my secret

I'm keeping this a secret, rather from fear more than anything else.
It is not the weight that I am embarrassed about, it's joining WW again.


I'm scared of funneling money into this when financially our family is struggling a bit.  I'm scared of failing again. 
I'm scared of being judge.
I'm scared of being asked "Can you eat that?" - I haven't dealt well with the question before.
I'm just scared!

The only ones that will know of this journey will be who ever reads this (I seriously doubt I have any followers.)  Yes, I know it's awesome to have support at home and with friends & family BUT I don't like the support I get from my friends and family.

When I vent about the scale or wanting to eat a tub of icing - it's just basically that - I JUST WANT TO VENT!  At those particular times I don't need advise, I don't need motivation, I don't need to be told what to do.  I just need to be listened to.

I loath being ask /told
"what's the plan?"
"what are we going to do to get to your goal"
"this is what you need to do ... "
"what did you eat today?"
"How much water did you drink?"
"you should join a gym?"

And quiet frankly I have a family who just likes to criticize everything I do, how I look, how I eat, what I eat, how I dress, my parenting, my children ... oh the list can go on.

And because of this criticism food eventfully turned into my comfort, someone starts dishing out unsolicited advise, criticism I start packing in the food.  And let me tell you I can have some orgasmic experiences with my food.

I know more than anything I need to adopt better eating habits for my health, but I also know how I react to certain things and this is why this will be my secret for now.

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